Note: This is not an apology. Had this been an actual apology, this announcement would have been preceded by the words "I'm sorry" or "I apologize" and followed by specific transgressions. This is only a list.
One will follow, however, for the appropriate parties.
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I'm a bad friend because I don't know when I'm hurting my friends.
This list is indeed a response to a recent event, surely. But this is not the first time it's been a problem.
Ask the guy who I made a teasing remark about him always wearing the same shirt, sophomore year.
Ask the guy who was part of my writing project the same year.
Ask the same guy about the time I compared him to another of our friends in terms of an undesirable characteristic.
Ask anybody. I'm sure they'll tell you.
I thought I was getting better about that sort of thing. There's always room for more improvement I see.
I'm a bad friend because I don't know when to shut up. This characteristic unfortunately seems to be common in my family. Most of us seem to have a problem with finding the threshold at which we need to close our damned mouths.
This is no excuse for my behavior, and I'm not trying to make one. Merely mentioning my family all seem to have the same issue.
I'm a bad friend because I'm not open enough with my friends.
I'm a bad friend because I don't call my friends often enough.
I'm a bad friend because I don't know what a friend really is. I never did. Honestly, I just seem to have a screwed up idea of things. People that I go to school with and never see other than that - are those friends? I always counted at least some like that as friends.
Incidentally, this bad perception is why I've always been reluctant to talk about "best friends". Also, there can a difference between what people think best friends should be and what a person's closest friend is to them. I think that may have come into play as well.
I'm a bad friend because I act like my opinion is always important. Sometimes when I notice myself being particularly ridiculous about this, I can play it off with self-scorn.
I'm a bad friend because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to let people see the real me, to know everything about me. I stand with Dickens [see A Tale of Two Cities] in thinking that two people cannot ever absolutely know everything about each other. [I know some will debate this point.] Despite that, I don't do enough to let my friends in.
I'm a bad friend because I don't know what to do to stop drifting apart.
I'm a bad friend because I let things go too quickly. That's not really the problem - it actually comes in handy to get over stuff quickly. The real problem is that I sometimes think others will too.
I refer in particular to a night a few weeks ago. For some reason, my good friend just got to me that night. I was pissed - but at the same time I knew it was temporary, that as soon as the night was over it would go away. I guess everyone knew I was pissed, too. But I let it go that night. I didn't give it another thought; it bugged my friend until I finally brought it up. Dumb ass [me].
I'm a bad friend because I assume and presume too much.
I'm a bad friend for the same reason I have any other life problems. I'm an idiot about many things. I'm a putz, too, not committing/deciding/doing something often.
I say "You're a fool" seems like every time I look in the mirror now.
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Mine go to eleven, just like this guy and these guys before him.
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Perhaps you passed these by:
Life {in Chicago} - 04 October 2005
Chicago - 13 September 2005
User - 09 August 2005
scattered - 05 August 2005
the way it is - 19 July 2005
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