Yesterday, leaving rehearsal, Dad and I were joking about stuff.
Or maybe we were just talking about women. Regardless, I joked about my 12-pack abs. Or maybe more like a 24-, I went on. He said more like a keg, since packs were the wrong shape. I don't think it's quite that bad, and said the keg was more his speed I think.
Anyhow, later on in the car he brought it up again. He must be worried about me and all, worried about the disparaging remarks about my own physical appearance.
Now, I don't think it's that bad an attitude. I've always known my physical attractiveness is not my main selling point to the opposite sex. I don't think I have a problem with thinking I'm horribly ugly or anything. Just nothing super-fine or anything like that. Then again, I never do believe or take at face value any comments that are much in my favor in that department. But I digress.
Anyhow, I assume what he did next was an attempt to help me out. Boost my self-esteem, let me know that I'm not that unattractive, etc etc. He told me a story I've heard before, but with a twist this time.
He told me of the time during my junior year in high school when three of the most attractive girls in my grade had talked to him. [Those who went to school with me should know of whom I am speaking. Or at least two of three; I'm not sure if the third is who you and I both expect or not. but I digress.] Or maybe it wasn't a specific time, maybe he was just lumping stuff together, I don't really know. Apparently, they complained that I didn't talk to them, that I thought they were stupid.
This was of course not true.
I told him that last time he told me the story, whenever that was. I don't remember whether it was at the time it was happening or not. During high school though, I'm pretty sure. I also don't know if the girls ever got the message. But I really didn't think they were or are stupid. Dammit.
The part he hadn't mentioned before was that they were interested in me.
You have to understand, I was attracted to the one on and off more or less throughout high school [and now you really know who I'm talking about]. And the others were quite attractive, too. Had I but known...
...well, I don't know. Most of you know how it can be for me, even when I do know. But things would have been different anyways.
The point is, I think he was trying to cheer me up, tell me it really can't be that bad. Which worked to a point; but overall it didn't make me feel better. Just another in a series of lost opportunities.
That sure didn't work.
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Life {in Chicago} - 04 October 2005
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