« § to-day and to-day and to-day § »
27 February 2003
11:37 PM
So first off, I did email Juliann like I said I would.
It was of course some 1928 or so words. Four pages single spaced, empty lines between paragraphs. Probably too much, I know. I talk too much anyhow.
I'm not sure quite why I think what I say is so important. Partly I think it's a gender thing, as guys just seem to speak up about some things more (like in class, I mean). Regardless of whether they know what they're talking about; I've wondered often lately whether I was talking whereas some girls who are probably more prepared (did more of the reading, for example) are not for some reason. Partly, I think I've been reinforced all along, in school and in family. Family has always been supportive of us speaking up (about most things); teachers usually liked what I had to say. Ego trips. Yeah, whatever.
I meant to have more to say about that, and to say it better. Oh well.
Today feels like a nearly total waste. I really did very little productive. I guess I got some time off from being productive, so that's good. I was feeling kinda shitty, though. Reflective shitty, on life issues reflective, on self-worth and -importance and -direction life issues. Or something like that. At least a little; maybe it was just zoning or running away/not thinking about anything.
I did read most of a book I like, The Puppet Masters by Robert Heinlein. Don't confuse it with the shitty movie of the same name loosely based on the novel, which is excellent.
I did have rehearsal, which actually went well. Lots constructive got done. In fact, lots got done productive last night as well, on the other show. [Usually I have both together, but last night and tonight I just had one of each.] So yeah, feeling like a real director, unlike what I was saying the other day. I guess I'm still a bit worried about doing the things that people were criticizing the director of the last department show for doing, but I shall try my best not to. Also, if I remember, I'm going to ask one of my actors (who was just in that show) if I am, or to point it out if I am, or something. Blah.
I did go to the frat house for awhile. Had a house meal, told 'favorite memories' stories. I do really like the guys, but it was yet one more "I'll go to one last thing and make sure" kind of thing. They have a sweet little setup where you keep feeling that way for each new thing. Blah.
There are times when I think how good for me it could be to join. But somehow, despite all the results it would have to drop out now, I still don't really think I want to join. Whine whine, I've been saying that for a couple weeks now. Jebus, I'm sick of hearing it, too. Sorry.
I did write out a real piece of mail today, too. It felt good. Something I should do and did do.
Right about now, I could use a big hug and someone to sit with for awhile. The problem is, when you get that way, sometime you also don't want to ask for what you want. You know? I ... well, I almost said I hope someone knows, since then it wouldn't feel quite so lonely, but I wouldn't wish the feeling on you. I assume most have felt something like it though.
Don't fret kids, I'll manage. Ok?
I meant to come back and write more abut Mr. Rogers. I don't know about you, but I shed two tears for him. This is not to say he's not worth many more, for he is; I just didn't break down, but I did cry two tears. See Justin's entry for more, if you like. I'm not saying he speaks for me or anything, just that he wrote more.
That isn't why I wasn't feeling the greatest today, though I was saddened by his passing. Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" is playing now. I guess you do come from nothing and go back to nothing, so why fret, eh?
Indeed.
« démodé · home · à la mode »
the vault · dossier
two cents · more cents · missives
Perhaps you passed these by:
Life {in Chicago} - 04 October 2005
Chicago - 13 September 2005
User - 09 August 2005
scattered - 05 August 2005
the way it is - 19 July 2005
Filmed in Petevision
Menu font courtesy Astigmatic One Eye
Quote font courtesy Fontor
Quote courtesy William Shakespeare and AllShakespeare.com
Solid-state solutions courtesy Dairyland
Not responsible for the content of external links
No animals were harmed in the production of this diary.
Photo ©1997 Leo C. Curran.
Design and content ©2002-2005 Me.
 |